He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. Prov. 18:22
This verse gives me a principle around which a solid marriage relationship revolves. I still remember the process God took me through quite a few years ago to bring me to the point of embracing this truth. You see, in reading this chapter one day, I realized I didn't really believe this verse. But I quickly figured out that if I wanted my marriage to endure and grow, I needed God to do a work in my heart. I began to pray that day, first of all confessing to God my lack of belief, and then asking Him to bring me to a point of seeing my wife as an expression of His favor. For a number of months I continued to make that request daily, affirming what God said and asking Him to help me accept it as true. Because I lean toward being a bit hard headed, it took some time for transformation to occur, but God is faithful and He changed my heart. As I looked back, one fact stood out to me. Nothing had changed about my wife. She continued to love me and encourage me; her actions and attitudes remained the same. But my responses to her took a turn and my life has benefitted from that change.
As I studied through Proverbs, searching for wisdom principles, a number of things stood out to me. At first glance, they may not appear to address a husband's behavior, but I think God uses direct and indirect means of communication in pushing me toward truth.
I need to promote an atmosphere of peace in my marriage.
"He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind...11:29a
"Better is a little with the fear of the Lord, than great treasure and turmoil with it. 15:16
"Better is a dish of vegetables where love is, than a fattened ox and hatred with it. 15:17
"Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife. 17:1
Do I contribute a fear of the Lord, quietness, and love through my words and actions or do the things I say and the actions I take bring strife, turmoil, and trouble on my relationship with my wife. These verses give a picture of God's desire for my home. Does it line up with reality? If not, I have some work in front of me.
Two verses out of chapter 21 refer to a contentious woman and the unpleasantness of living with her. Although each of us bears responsibility for our actions and attitude, I believe as a husband I have an ability to impact my wife and keep her from moving in the direction of becoming contentious. I have a calling to build trust in my relationship with my wife. When I do that, she will be less likely to be combative and disagreeable. How well I fill my role as a husband can be seen on my wife's countenance.
Chapter 31 describes an excellent wife. Two places in this chapter talk about the husband's role in promoting his wife's virtue.
"An excellent wife, who can fine? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her...vv. 10,11a
"Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 'Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.' " vv. 28,29
One of the most important things for me to remember is that my wife needs to hear words of affirmation and praise from me. She wants to know that I trust her and appreciate all that she contributes to the health of our relationship. If I want a wife who demonstrates virtue and excellence, I must treat her as a valuable jewel.
The last nugget of wisdom I find for husbands in Proverbs centers around faithfulness. I must honor my commitment to my wife, and guard my eyes and my heart from other women. This comes out strongly in chapters 5&6. Temptation toward unfaithfulness surrounds us. It abounds in our culture, in the media, in entertainment and advertisement. But 4:23 says, "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life." Guarding my heart shows my wife that my commitment to faithfulness has not wavered, and contributes to the trust factor tremendously.
I want to grow as a husband. Heeding these wisdom truths will help me along that path.
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