Wisdom in Relationships

 

 

He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Prov. 13:20

Proverbs gives us much instruction about relationships, most of it in the form of warnings.  This verse says it in a nutshell.  We have choices to make when it comes to friendships.  Motivation drives those decisions.  Do I want to gain wisdom?--I need to start hanging out with wise people.  This verse tells us the flip side of becoming wise actually involves experiencing harm rather than just being foolish.  Seems like an easy decision to make.  Unfortunately, too often I find myself hanging out with the wrong kind of people.

 

Prov. 1:10-16 spells it out for us this way:  My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent.  If they say, "Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood, let us ambush the innocent without cause; let us swallow them alive like Sheol, even whole as those who go down to the pit; we shall find all kinds of precious wealth, we shall fill our houses with spoil; throw in your lot with s, we shall all have one purse."  My son, do not walk in the way with them.  Keep your feet from their path, for their feet run to evil, and they hasten to she blood.  Now, when I read those verses, it seems like the description of the invitation makes this choice an easy one.  Why would I respond to anyone affirmatively who asked me to help them harm others?  Usually though, temptation doesn't come in a nice neat package like this.  Subtlety is one of our enemy's greatest weapons.  And too often I miss the warning signs and plunge into harmful situations heedlessly. 

 

An example of this comes in 11:12:  He who despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keep silent.  I have to admit my guilt in this area.  I struggle in responding correctly to a neighbor, and often find myself despising them.  I don't think of it as wishing harm on them, but at times I mention something about them to others hoping they will see the situation the same way I do.  According to this verse, when I react in this way, I lack sense!  I've been praying for God to change my heart in this area, but it seems like an uphill battle.

 

A few other warnings about the kind of people not to hang out with:

     14:7--Leave the presence of a fool, or you will not discern words of knowledge.

     22:24,25--Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, lest you learn his ways, and find a snare for yourself.

     23:20,21--Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, or with gluttonous eaters of meat; for the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe a man with rags.

 

Another area Proverbs addresses is family relationships:

     17:17--A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

     18:24--A man of many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

     27:10--Do not forsake your own friend or your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.

There appears to be some conflicting advice here.  One verse says brothers are born for adversity, while another claims that I would be better off going to my neighbor rather than my brother when trouble comes.  I believe the bottom line in this principle looks something like this:  I need to be building relationships and engaging with a community of people which may or may not include my immediate family.  These people make up my support system when life takes a left turn.  I can call on them.  They will stand with me and help me through those tough times.

 

I know I haven't covered all of the principles found in Proverbs on this subject.  I'll leave room for you to dive in and study some yourself.  I'd love to hear what you find.  I want to leave this time with one final piece of advice from 25:17--Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor's house, lest he become wear of you and hate you.  Don't become a pest!  Don't make your neighbor feel like he needs an exterminator to get rid of you.